It’s time to take the car keys from my elderly parent—where do I begin?

By Bob Gregory

In my last post, “My parent is moving to a Senior Facility, is it time to take the car keys?” I gave you some signs and reasons it may be time to take the car keys.  If you are reading this post, I must assume your parent needs to give up the keys!  Before we discuss where to begin, I hope you are taking this decision very serious as your parent sure will.  When we first begin our life as young adults, we work toward owning our own home, a great car and having our dream job.  As we reach the later years of our life, we retire from our jobs, we sell our home in favor of a Senior Facility and we eventually give up our cars.  If you have an elderly parent, you know none of these are surrendered peacefully!  Most people “retire” because they can no longer work and selling the house and car is a sure sign we are nearing the end of our time on earth.  Be sure giving up the car is the right decision and if so, then be committed to get rid of it!

Here are some ideas that may help:

1. I hope you took my advice and took a ride with your parent; this is the best way to evaluate their ability and it is certainly the best place to begin the conversation!  Begin by asking your parent to evaluate their ability and what happened on your evaluation ride.  If they feel they did a good job—and they probably will—then question them about items you noted during the ride.  Point out the dangers of the problem areas and discuss reasons they may have had problems such as diminished sight, hearing, lack of motion and memory issues.  You should also stress you are not only concerned for their safety but for the safety of fellow drivers, passengers and bystanders.

Nyckelring (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2. Seldom do parents listen to their children regarding giving up the car keys so do not be discouraged if your discussion does not result in the surrender of the keys.  Your next course of action is to involve the professionals.  Have your parent evaluated by their physician and their optometrist/ophthalmologist for a “professional” opinion.  These evaluations should confirm your own findings and hopefully, an outside “professional” opinion should result in the surrender of the keys!

3. If your parent is still obstinate after discussions and evaluations, then challenge them to retake the driving test and eye exam.  Your promise to them if they comply is to drop the subject of giving up the keys if they can pass the driving and eye exam.  I personally have never heard of a parent taking the challenge but it should put you in a much stronger position to insist they give up the keys.

4. Discuss the legal considerations of continuing to drive.  A lawsuit for an at-fault accident not covered by insurance can potentially take retirement funds your parent has saved.  Your parent’s insurance agent or attorney can certainly back you up on this point.  You may find your parent can no longer be insured if you provide the insurance company with a letter from the doctor as to their physical or mental ability to drive.  Please get legal advice before releasing any medical information you may have access!  This is also a good time to discuss the moral obligation to avoid endangering others; on this point, you may want to involve your parent’s pastor or religious advisor.

If you feel your parent or others are in immediate danger, hide the keys or take the car!  Part of your parent’s fear of giving up the car keys is becoming a “shut-in”.  You can help this fear by having a plan for alternative transportation.  Be smart and do not include yourself as their only alternative, you know how you have disappointed them in the past and if you do not know, they will certainly remind you!  Introduce your parent to a trusted cab company, driver at the senior facility (if they are living in one) and involve other family members willing to help.  Make sure you express to your parent you are taking the car out of love and concern and this move will help you keep them for many years to come!

For me, I went through all of the above before convincing my mother to allow me to sell the car!  She was pleased to receive the money as she feared needing support from her children.  This is not an easy chore and in some respects, it was more difficult than convincing her she needed an Assisted Living Facility.  I wish you good luck for your sake, your parent’s and all the rest of us out there on the highway!

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

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• 8 Warning Signs Mom and Dad Are Getting Old

My parent is moving to a Senior Facility, is it time to take the car keys?

By Bob Gregory

Moving to a Senior Facility does not necessarily mean it is time to take away your parent’s car keys.  Most Assisted Living Facilities allow residents to own their own car and drive themselves if they are capable.  Is your elder parent capable of driving?  That is the better question to ask!  The right time for an elder parent, or anyone, to give up driving is when they are no longer capable of doing so safely.

Here are some signs and reasons that your elder parent may need to quit driving and give up the keys:

1. Impaired vision—loss of peripheral vision or overall vision that cannot be satisfactorily corrected by glasses to meet the eye examine is a big indicator it is time to give up driving.  Also, poor night vision or sensitivity to bright sun light can also indicate your parent’s vision is not adequate to drive.

2. Frequent at-fault accidents indicate your parent should not be driving.

   

   too old to drive (Photo credit: jessleecuizon)

3. Memory issues, such as dementia, should be a red flag to give up driving.  You do not want your parent driving if they may forget what they are doing or where they are going!

4. Physical mobility impairment is another sign your parent may need to stop driving.  Their ability to make sharp turns or move quickly to the brake can be a hazard.

5. Medication impairment cannot be overlooked—certain medications can cause drowsiness, blurred vision and slow reaction time.  Make sure you consult your parent’s physician and pharmacist about the effects of all your parent’s medications!

6. Trouble with depth and distance perception can be a red flag that your parent should not drive.

7. Erratic driving behavior certainly indicates your parent should not be driving!  This includes improper speeds (fast and slow), frequent and improper lane changes, failure to obey traffic signals and drifting in and out of lanes.

8. Loss of hearing—this is another affect of aging we cannot escape, but if hearing cannot b

   

   BAMMM!!! (Photo credit: Ron,Ron,Ron)

   e corrected with hearing aids, then it might be a sign your parent shouldn’t be driving.

9. Fear of driving is also a sign that should be taken seriously.  If you parent expresses fears or concerns about driving, they may be trying to tell you the car needs to go!

10. Unexplained dents, scratches or bent rims can indicate your parent is having an issue driving.

The best way to assess your parent’s ability to drive is to simply take a ride with them.  This was my first indication that my own mother should not be driving!  Observe how they handle traffic flow, stopping and stopping, lane changing, turning and traffic signals.  Take note if they actually know where they are going or if they need directions.  Make sure you observe your parent in a parking lot looking for a parking space and then parking—this may explain those mysterious dents and scratches.  If you are comfortable riding in the car with your parent driving, then let them drive.  However, if you find your parent was reckless (you were scared for your life) it may be time to discuss taking the keys!  Remember, it is not just your parent you are protecting—it is the rest of us as well!

Having the “it’s time to give up driving” conversation is difficult and complicated.  There are some ideas and tips I will share with you along with some “legal” means, if necessary, but I’ll save that for a future writing.

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

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Keeping Spirituality and Religion in a Senior Facility

By Bob Gregory

Most people who look for an Assisted Living Facility or Nursing Home for themselves or an aging parent look for a senior facility that will meet their physical and mental needs, but what about their spiritual needs? Studies show that Senior facility residents who have their spiritual needs met have improved psychological and physical health.

Spirituality is the inner essence of a person that brings meaning, purpose, hope, well-being and coping mechanisms to their lives. It has been shown that spirituality helps people find purpose and meaning at the end of life and helps guide decisions at that time. Often, residents want to discuss their hopes and fears with their caregiver. These conversations help them achieve inner peace and acceptance. Spirituality is often, but not always, expressed in religious affiliation.

Many seniors mourn the loss of their community at church if they are unable to attend church services. The relationships in the church community are a vital part of spirituality. Often times, family members can transport their loved ones to church from the facility. When this is not an option, religious needs can be met in a Senior Facility.

What questions should I ask a Senior Facility about religion?

Praying for our new elder (Photo credit: robinsan)

• Do you have chaplains on staff?

• Do you have pastors who come and lead regular worship services?

• Do you provide religious music and encourage residents to sing hymns during services?

• Do you have religious holiday celebrations?

• Do you have special meals for religious holidays?

Prayers (Photo credit: Xerones)

• Do you decorate the facility for religious holidays?

• Can you introduce me or my parent to other residents who share the same faith?

• Are ministers allowed to visit, pray and offer sacraments to me or my parent?

There are also many Assisted Living Facilities and Nursing Homes that are church affiliated.  Some of Senior Facilities that are affiliated with churches or religious organizations are often subsidized to help members afford the facility.  Be sure to research carefully so you find just the right Senior Facility to meet the spiritual needs of you or your elderly parent.

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

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What if my parent is not happy in the Senior Facility?

By Bob Gregory

Description unavailable (Photo credit: wakingphotolife:)

If you have moved your parent into an Assisted Living Facility or Nursing Home and they are unhappy, don’t rush to transfer them to another facility. There could be many reasons for your parent’s unhappiness that do not have anything to do with the senior facility!

Many elders do not want to leave their homes and most of their possessions when they move even though they readily admit that they need help. Most have a very hard time adjusting to a new environment and it can take time!

If you have any doubt about the facility you should talk to your parent to get specific details as to why they do not like the facility. Look into their complaints carefully. If their complaints do not seem valid you should:

• Try to spend as much time as possible with your parent to help ease them into their new environment. Talk to them about their unhappiness and what will make them happy.

• Discuss the positive attributes of the facility your parent is currently living in with them, such as the care provided, activities, environment, location and even the food.

Unhappy (Photo credit: Julie70)

• Talk to the aides and nurses in the facility who care for to your parent to see what your parent is saying to them and what their attitude is like when you are not present.

• Visit the facility at varying times during the day and especially on weekends to see if your parent is involved in any activities and whether they are enjoying themselves.

• Talk to your parent’s physician and have them evaluate your parent’s mental and physical condition to see if there is an underlying reason for their unhappiness—it could be depression.

• Involve the staff to help your parent find another resident who shares common interests and work toward helping your parent build a friendship with that person.

If you cannot discover any reasons for your parent’s unhappiness you need to make it clear to your parent that if they leave this facility, they will be moving to another Senior Facility and not back to their home or to yours. Some parents feel that if they complain enough their child will move them back home or into their home and care for them.  Hopefully you had this discussion prior to a move to a Senior Facility, but if not, better late than never! 

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

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Westbrooke Manor-New Member to www.SeniorFacilityFinder.com!

By Bob Gregory,

This week www.SeniorFacilityFinder.com welcomed new member Westbrooke Manor Assisted Living and Memory Support facility located in Zephyrhills, Florida.  Below is information Westbrooke Manor provide for all our readers to consider:

Our People:  

Everyone at Westbrooke is treated like family. We understand the needs and concerns that come with aging; our trained caring staff will make you feel at home from the very moment you step in the front door.

We realize each resident is unique; we take time to know you and find out what your hobbies and interests are. We are constantly improving our activities, events and outings to enrich everyone's individual needs.

Westbrooke offers:

Visit Westbrooke Manor's website!

Assisted Living:

New member SeniorFacilityFinder.com 

Many individuals require just a minimum amount of assistance, while others may need a little more. Westbrooke Manor offers varying levels of assistance so each individual can maintain a certain level of independence. Each resident is assessed to determine the exact level of care needed.

Adult Day Care & Respite: 

A day, a week or maybe longer, Westbrooke offers day care and short term stays to assist busy families with their care giving needs. Many people prefer not to be home alone; we offer the perfect alternative, a safe caring environment where every individual is embraced and made part of our family. We also assist those who need recovery after a small surgery, short illness, or temporary placement.

All levels of care include:

• A welcoming environment encouraging interaction with friends and family
• Compassionate, caring staff offering excellent customer service
• A Licensed Nurse available 24 hours a day
• 3 meals daily by our chef, including candlelight dinners and snacks
• Medication Management
• Extensive scheduled Activities & Events
• Transportation services to scheduled medical appointments
• Housekeeping & Linen service
• Assistance with Bathing, Dressing and Grooming
• Utilities, basic cable, telephone and WiFi

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

What legal documents does my aging parent need to insure their end- of-life medical wishes are followed?

By Bob Gregory

As the child of an aging parent it can sometimes be difficult to discuss end-of-life decisions. Will my parent think I am expecting or waiting for them to die? Will I hurt their feelings by asking their feelings about end-of-life care? It can be a daunting task, but it is imperative that your parents’ wishes be legally documented. This discussion needs to take place before your parent becomes ill or incapacitated. You can open the conversation by explaining to your parent that you are concerned that if they become ill you will have to make medical decisions for them and you need their help understanding their wishes. Most children and parents feel a greater emotional bond after they have discussed end-of-life care. Once you have discussed these issues with your parent the following legal documents will guide family members and healthcare providers in your parent’s medical care if they are unable to speak for themselves.

Last Will And Testament (Photo credit: Ken_Mayer)

v  A Living Will is a document that conveys your parent’s wishes about the use of life-sustaining medical treatments at the end of their life. It is used to guide health care providers and loved ones in making medical decisions. Some states do not allow families to make health care decisions for a loved one without a Living Will, so your parent needs to understand that this is for their protection. In most states, two physicians must certify that your parent is unable to make medical decisions before their Living Will becomes effective.

v  A Healthcare Power of Attorney is a document that appoints someone (a Healthcare Surrogate) to deal with medical situations if your parent cannot make decisions for themselves. This person will make sure your parent’s wishes are honored and will address healthcare issues that cannot be addressed in writing. Your parent should appoint someone who they know will honor their wishes and be strong enough to make difficult decisions. It does not have to be a family member, but it should be someone who will communicate openly and honestly with the family. Your parent should have a lengthy discussion with their Healthcare Surrogate about their wishes. For example, if your parent has a terminal illness do they want artificial nutrition and hydration if they are no longer able to take them by mouth? Do they want to be put on a respirator if they cannot breathe on their own? By discussing these types of scenarios the Healthcare Surrogate will have an understanding of what your parent’s wishes are.

Both of these documents are vital for your parent’s end-of-life medical wishes to be followed. If the Healthcare Surrogate is unavailable to make decisions, your parent’s Living Will can guide decision making. Most states have both of these forms available.

After these documents have been completed, copies should be given to your parent’s physician and family members. Your parent needs to communicate with family members why they chose the person that will be their Healthcare Surrogate and that this person will be the only one making the end of life decisions and interpreting the Living Will.  Finally, your parent should consider having a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) in place and many Senior Facilities require forms such as these to be in place when your parent becomes a resident.  The DNR requires a more in-depth conversation and we will address the DNR in future writings.

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

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• Living Wills | eLocal
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How important is the Activities Director in an Assisted Living Facility?

By Bob Gregory

If you are considering an Assisted Living Facility for yourself or an elderly parent, it is vitally important to meet and interview the Activities Director. The Activities Director is responsible for making sure planned activities meet the needs of residents. Activities must be developed, scheduled and evaluated constantly. The physical and mental well-being of residents can be affected by the types of activities offered.

The following are some questions you will want to ask:

Exercise 2 (Photo credit: Velo Steve)

• What are your qualifications for being the Activities Director and how long have you been at the facility?

• How do you determine what my loved one’s interests are and how soon after they move into the facility will this be done?

• Are residents taken out of the facility on a regular basis for activities?

• Do you have a means of communicating with families who cannot visit on a regular basis to keep them informed of their loved ones participation in activities?

fun (Photo credit: The Pointe at Kilpatrick)

• Do you tailor activities to the resident’s interest (for example: My mom likes to garden. Is there a  lace on site where she can use her skills and continue her love of gardening?)

• Do you have activities which will require my loved on to be challenged mentally and physically?

• Since this move may be resisted by my loved one, how will you connect with them and make sure they want to be included in the activities offered?

Be sure to ask for a copy of the Activities Calendar and review the activities offered to see if they would interest your parent. Many studies have shown that residents who feel they are socially and emotionally engaged with other people feel more independent and positive about their life.  You may also want to consult your parent’s physician to see if there are activities that they should or should not participate in and then see if the Activities Director can accommodate your parent.  Keep in mind that an Activities Director is not always a requirement for an Assisted Living Facility as opposed to a Nursing Home where it is required.  Also, each state has different standards so be sure to check the requirements of your state. 

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com

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• What To Look For In An Assisted Living Facility

What legal documents does my aging parent need to insure their end- of-life medical wishes are followed?

By Bob Gregory

Tool to support end of life pathway (Photo credit: sicamp)

As the child of an aging parent it can sometimes be difficult to discuss end-of-life decisions. Will my parent think I am expecting or waiting for them to die? Will I hurt their feelings by asking their feelings about end-of-life care? It can be a daunting task, but it is imperative that your parents’ wishes be legally documented. This discussion needs to take place before your parent becomes ill or incapacitated. You can open the conversation by explaining to your parent that you are concerned that if they become ill you will have to make medical decisions for them and you need their help understanding their wishes. Most children and parents feel a greater emotional bond after they have discussed end-of-life care. Once you have discussed these issues with your parent the following legal documents will guide family members and healthcare providers in your parent’s medical care if they are unable to speak for themselves.

v  A Living Will is a document that conveys your parent’s wishes about the use of life-sustaining medical treatments at the end of their life. It is used to guide health care providers and loved ones in making medical decisions. Some states do not allow families to make health care decisions for a loved one without a Living Will, so your parent needs to understand that this is for their protection. In most states, two physicians must certify that your parent is unable to make medical decisions before their Living Will becomes effective.

Last Will And Testament (Photo credit: Ken_Mayer)

v  A Healthcare Power of Attorney is a document that appoints someone (a Healthcare Surrogate) to deal with medical situations if your parent cannot make decisions for themselves. This person will make sure your parent’s wishes are honored and will address healthcare issues that cannot be addressed in writing. Your parent should appoint someone who they know will honor their wishes and be strong enough to make difficult decisions. It does not have to be a family member, but it should be someone who will communicate openly and honestly with the family. Your parent should have a lengthy discussion with their Healthcare Surrogate about their wishes. For example, if your parent has a terminal illness do they want artificial nutrition and hydration if they are no longer able to take them by mouth? Do they want to be put on a respirator if they cannot breathe on their own? By discussing these types of scenarios the Healthcare Surrogate will have an understanding of what your parent’s wishes are.

Both of these documents are vital for your parent’s end-of-life medical wishes to be followed. If the Healthcare Surrogate is unavailable to make decisions, your parent’s Living Will can guide decision making. Most states have both of these forms available.

After these documents have been completed, copies should be given to your parent’s physician and family members. Your parent needs to communicate with family members why they chose the person that will be their Healthcare Surrogate and that this person will be the only one making the end of life decisions and interpreting the Living Will.  Finally, your parent should consider having a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) in place and many Senior Facilities require forms such as these to be in place when your parent becomes a resident.  The DNR requires a more in-depth conversation and we will address the DNR in future writings.

If you find you need an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas, please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about. 

We look forward to reading yours.

Bob Gregory is an advocate for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.

Related articles

• Helping Aging Parents Plan
• Care at the End of Life
• Living Wills | eLocal
• Choosing to Die: Making Difficult End-of-Life Decisions