By Bob Gregory
Most children of elderly parents shy away from discussing
final funeral arrangements for their parent.
No one wants to think about the time their parent will pass away and
most don’t want to discuss it either.
However, I think you will be surprised to find how many elderly parents
are more than willing to tell their children exactly what they would like for
their final send off from this world. In
fact, you may find yourself getting new versions all the time and that’s where
the real issue begins!
None of us can say with any certainty when our death will
occur but we can all be sure it will occur.
Planning for the future should include more than where one will retire,
how much money they will have and where they will travel. It should also include the end of life
plan. This plan should include the
proper documents that need to be in place such as a Living Will, Trust Documents,
Do Not Resuscitate Form (DNR) and a Healthcare Power of Attorney. It should also include your final wishes for
the proper burial once you have passed away.
Individuals’ preferences vary widely on this matter and you should make
your wishes clear. These wishes are
usually spelled out in detail as part of the Will. If your parent does not have these documents
or their final wishes detailed in the will, I strongly suggest you get them
completed and read my post “What legal
documents does my aging parent need to insure their end- of-life medical wishes
are followed?”
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If you can get your parent to complete the forms I listed
above, then their end of life wishes should be detailed in the Will. I suggest you keep a copy with you as well as
with the attorney. It is always a good
practice to review legal documents from time to time as significant changes occur
throughout our lives. This can be true
of funeral arrangements as well. It is
not uncommon for individuals nearing end of life to become more Spiritual or “find”
God. Certain Religions have guidelines,
sometimes rules, an individual must follow for their final burial. If so, you will want to revisit what was
included in the Will and make any revisions necessary to comply with your
parent’s religious belief and wish. This
can usually be achieved by a Codicil (addition) to the Will so the entire Will
does not have to be rewritten. Be sure
and detail in writing your parent’s wishes before contacting the attorney.
If your parent does not have a Will and you are not successful
in convincing your parent to have one written, then sit down and write down
exactly what your parent would like. I suggest
you have your parent date and sign the document. This will allow you to “remind” your parent
what their wishes were at that particular time.
If they wish to change the plans, do so in the same manner so you will
always have the latest version on hand with a date and signature. Generally, if someone changes their mind
about their final wishes, it is either to simplify or to embellish, so be
prepared.
Prepaid funerals can be a very good way to plan and assure
that your parent’s wishes are carried out properly and the financial means are
available. Most funeral homes have prepaid
plans available and most are very flexible—this will allow your parent to
change their mind within the budget they have prepaid! Make sure you deal with a well established
funeral home and beware of changes in ownership. Prepaid funerals are also a good way to
assure emotions do not dictate what type of funeral is purchased after a loved
one has passed away. Choosing and paying
for one’s funeral in advance can be a little unsettling so prepare yourself and
your parent. Also, don’t think that the
task is complete and all is settled once you have prepaid. Often there will be some up- selling by the
funeral home at the time of death so don’t let your
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emotions get in the way of
your parent’s plan!
You parent will most likely change their mind about their
final funeral arrangements at least once in their life time so be patient. If you have not been successful in
implementing any of the above, then go with the last thing your parent told you
and not what you may remember from many years ago. My mother had planned a very elaborate
funeral right down to the color and type gown to wear. She had made this wish known for years and we
all knew exactly what she wanted. In the
last year of her life she literally did a 180 degree turn on what she wanted
and insisted on a very simple ceremony.
In the end, her wish was to make it simple and easy on her children she
was leaving behind—an unexpected favor to us!
If would like a list Independent Living Facilities, Assisted
Living Facilities, Nursing Homes or any other type of Senior Facility, I hope
you will consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com.
If you would like to contribute your thoughts and ideas,
please leave them in our comment section. We want to hear them. Helping people
care for themselves or their loved ones is what we care about.
We look forward to reading yours.
Bob Gregory is an advocate
for Seniors and is one of the founders of www.seniorfacilityfinder.com. At SeniorFacilityFinder.com, we are dedicated
to helping families get the Elder Care help they need without having to provide
their personal information! If find you need an assisted living facility or
other type of senior facility, please consider www.seniorfacilityfinder.com
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